11 things you (don’t) need to know about Arsenal v Bolton Wanderers

Saturday January 10th, 2009

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Your guide to all the pointless pre-match predictions and previews

1. Despite the fact that we haven’t troubled the big four all season, and that we’ve lost our last five meetings with Arsenal, Bolton Wanderers still appear hold a certain amount of fear for Arsenal fans, particularly Kevin Davies’ tackles and our set pieces (clearly they haven’t seen Gavin McCann taking a corner).

2. Their attitude to Davies appears to be motivated by a tackle which caused absolutely no injury whatsoever to Gael Clichy at the Reebok earlier this season (this is a bit like when your girlfriend is pissed off with you, ‘not for what you said but the way that you said it’… get over it sweetheart).

3. Whether it’s Davies or someone else, a red card seems likely… as does Bolton conceding a headed goal, especially if Gary Cahill doesn’t play.

4. Arsene Wenger hates us and any other team who do not play the kind of football that gives Alan Hansen an erection, a hatred which perhaps explains why Arsenal only ever seem to lose to teams that no-one expects them to lose to.

5. That won’t stop Gary Megson trying to get even tougher and rougher with them at the Emirates this afternoon.

6. When not sticking pins in a Gary Megson doll, Arsene Wenger is exercising the power of positive thought ahead of the game… Megson, in contrast, is prediciting we’ll get relegated… Arsenal fans have rightly recognised that Megson is terrible at mind games.

7. Arsenal, meanwhile, are struggling to convince people they can still win the league… the problem appears to be that Arsenal have leaked more goals than their rivals (so playing a team who have scored just once – albeit against Arsenal at the Reebok – in five games against the top four this season should be right up their street).

8. Having said that, William Gallas and Mikel Silvestre are both out injured… but Kolo Toure plays.

9. For the Whites, Kevin Nolan and Gretar Steinsson are suspended, which means Nicky Hunt is in the last chance saloon (bit harsh for it to come against Arsenal).

10. Despite upsetting Arsenal several times in recent years, we still haven’t managed to beat them away in the league since 1962.

11. Therefore… from John Barnes and Graham Poll to Mark Lawrenson, there isn’t a single pundit who thinks we’ll win this afternoon… although Lawrenson’s opinion is again made invalid by his poor analysis, claiming Bolton have been poor on the road… emphatic wins at Middlesbrough, Sunderland and West Ham, anyone (you wat to see us at the Reebok, mate)?

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