Andy O'Brien: Better than sex

It’s not often you see the words ‘Bolton Wanderers’ and ‘sex’ in the same headline.

In fact, thanks largely to the existence of Gary Megson, it’s not often you see the words ‘Bolton Wanderers’ and anything remotely interesting and exciting or interesting in the same headline.

But finally, after a summer in which we’ve had the fascinating Paul Robinson transfer saga, the never-ending Ferrie Bodde transfer saga and the ‘solid’ (translation: boring) signings of Sam Ricketts and Sean Davis, Manny Road has finally been inspired to actually write something (actually I was going to write something about Zat Knight, if only to use the headline ‘Bolton Wanderers Take Zat!’, but I got drunk instead).

Inspiration came courtesy of the Daily Mail and a story in which the Wanderers were alleged to have been ‘rocked’ (and I thought that tremor in Horwich on Saturday was just caused by me collapsing in a drunken heap on my sister’s sofa) by a sex scandal (for some reason I can’t stop imagining Jack Dearden giving it the old ‘Profumo, Max Mosely, David Beckham, Dirty Den, Jamie Theakston – your boys took one hell of a beating!’).

Of course, the most interesting aspect of this story is not that the club have an anti-discrimination message on their website (what do they expect it to say, ‘no blacks or Irish’?), or that this was not so much about sex as sexism (slightly less exciting), but that the Mail was pretty much the only place you could read it.

The Bolton News, in line with their apparent policy of ignoring anything Bolton Wanderers related that doesn’t read as if it could have been personally penned by Phil Gartside,decided sex doesn’t sell copies of their paper. The rest of the national press were also quiet on the issue, no doubt too pre-occupied by Man City signing their 79th striker of the summer.

Perhaps the papers ignored it because it’s bollocks. Maybe the woman in question is kicking up a fuss over nothing and Gartside’s internal investigation (if you’ll excuse the pun) will clear the club of any wrongdoing. Either way, it surely would have sold more copies of newspapers than the fascinating insights in to Andy O’Brien’s mind that have swamped the Bolton Wanderers news pages over the last couple of days (was going to write something about that too, but Vital Bolton Wanderers already slaughtered O’Brien for his most outlandish claims).

You’d also think that if you were, I don’t know, let’s say a journalist, you might want to follow up on the fact that Gartside is leading the investigation at all. There has already been one whitewash at the Reebok Stadium this summer, when the internal inquiry in to the Sam Allarydyce/Panorama bungs scandal cleared the club of any wrongdoing, that’s another you might have missed while The Bolton News were sending you to sleep with tales of Ferrie Bodde and Paul Robinson.

So, should Gartside be leading internal inquiries? Is Paul Robsinson the most uninspiring summer signing ever? And, most importantly, are you still awake?

Here’s what the various Bolton Wanderers discussion forums made of the 4-3 defeat at Chelsea…

Positives
- “What a second-half performance! It almost felt like a victory.”

- “Our comeback was based on good, swift, attacking football… it was great to see.”

- “Chris Basham should have played instead of Johan Elmander. He changed the game when he came on” … “He provided the creative spark we needed in midfield and took his goal well too” … “and Kevin Davies was far more effective when he moved up front” … “it’s good to see Gary Megson using his substitutes effectively for once.”

- “Kevin Davies was Bolton’s man of the match ” … “but just because he isn’t leading the scoring charts doesn’t mean that Elmander is completely useless.”

- “The fans were outstanding throughout and made both the result and having to remortgage the house to afford a ticket worth it.”

- “It’s difficult to see Newcastle and Middlesbrough picking up enough points to put us in danger of relegation now.”

Negatives
- “Megson left it too late to try and change things.”

- “As brave as the comeback was, we really shouldn’t be celebrating 1-0 defeats as much as we have this one ” … “to score three goals at Stamford Bridge and not come away with at least a point is a disgrace.”

- “The penalty was a disgrace, there’s no way Gretar Steinsson could have got out of the way of that ball” … “Chelsea players were encroaching when the penalty was taken too.”

- “As usual Match of the Day managed to completely misrepresent the flow of the game by cleverly editing out the fact we were the better team in the first half” … “And Lawrenson called us Blackburn too.”

- “The goals we let in show that neither Danny Shittu or Andy O’Brien are good enough to play next to Gary Cahill.”

- “Gavin McCann gives the ball away too often, Basham could easily replace him in the side too.”

- “It’s difficult to see how Elmander is worth all the money we paid for him” … “he’s the new Tomas Brolin!”

Have your say on Chelsea 4-3 Bolton Wanderers in the comment box below…

Watch video highlights of Chelsea 4-3 Bolton Wanderers here

Sources: BBC 606, The Bolton News, Bolton Wanderers Mad, Rivals, The Wanderer, Burnden Aces, Bolton Banter

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The greatest comeback of all time… well, nearly…

Here’s how goals from Andy O’Brien, Chris Basham and Matt Taylor almost gave Bolton one of the greatest comebacks of all time, but not quite. Still, good effort lads…

Have your say on Chelsea 4-3 Bolton Wanderers in the comment box below…

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Your guide to all the predictions and Mystic Meggery ahead of Bolton Wanderers v Middlesbrough

Reasons to be cheerful
1. Middlesbrough have far more injury concerns – Tuncay, Adam Johnson, Robert Huth to name a few – than Bolton, although Andy O’Brien will be back in contention for a place, so…

2. Boro are currently 19th in the Premier League, largely because they have failed to score in 10 of their last 13 league games.

3. Gareth Southgate’s men suffered a demoralising defeat at Stoke last time out.

4. Southgate has even turned to social networking site Twitter as he tries to find answers ahead of today’s clash (allegedly).

5. When Bolton played Middlesbrough at the Riverside earlier this season we recorded one of our best results of the season.

6. According to this analysis, Boro are seriously lacking a captain, creativity in midfield, strikers, mental toughness and a decent goalkeeper. And you thought Bolton have got it bad.

7. Kevin Davies will be determined to prove Fabio Capello wrong, although given that England won both games last week, that’s actually quite a difficult thing to do. Even if Davies scores a hat-trick, I’m sure Mr Capello will sleep quite well tonight. Still, at least Bolton fans will have a good night.

Reasons to be fearful
8. Much like when Bolton travelled to Middlesbrough near the end of last season, Boro will be desperate for a win and, given that Bolton have not exactly been ripping up trees lately, they’ll have earmarked this as a game they can get points from as they seek to avoid the drop… well that’s what it says here anyway. Of course, if Boro weren’t in desperate need of points then I’m sure this story would have been replaced by the usual “we don’t fear Bolton’s physical approach” bullshit.

9. Bolton have not won in over a month and Mark Davies won’t be around to help change that.

10. As usual, Gary Megson has been doing his best to make our opponents feel better about themselves.

11. In our last home game, when nobody gave Fulham a chance, we managed to get beaten 3-1 thanks to some woeful defending.

12. So if Southgate’s plan to go on the attack is true we could be screwed… especially if Andy O’Brien is playing again.

What are your predictions for today’s game between Bolton Wanderers and Middlesbrough? Have your say in the comment box below…

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What Manny Road has been reading (and thinking) about Bolton Wanderers during the international break

• Wanderers in the driving seat
• Morrison Was Happy To Spurn Bolton
• The Most Important Game in History
• The Relegation Rumble: Bolton Wanderers
• Boxing Star Amir Khan Shows Support For Bolton Wanderers Boss Gary Megson
• BWFC Fanzine of the Year 2009 (Burnden Aces)
• Elmander doesn’t feel pressure over Bolton price-tag
• Wanderer Features In Fab Win
• Bolton Wanderers boss explains O’Brien axe
• Would You Want This Man Sat Next to You? (Gary Megson will need to sit in the stands after his sending off)
• Megson a United fan from now until the end of the season (Good to see Megson is’t relying on others to save us)
• Whites in no hurry (Gretar Steinsson expects Wanderers to take the slow-but-sure route to Premier League safety, whatever the hell that means?)
• Bolton’s Cohen Ready For Greece Test (Is this the same Tamir Cohen who’s been injured all season?)
• Gartside – Eddie Davies still committed
• Bolton owner splashed the cash in transfer window
• Bolton Wanderers: Barca defender linked (Sylvinho)
• Bolton boss hopeful of O’Brien revival
• Bolton Wanderers Striker Kevin Davies Stays Upbeat After England Snub
• Top Ten: Worst England Internationals (Michael Ricketts in at number 3)
• Davies unsure over timing of international break
• Bolton defender Cahill: Davies better than Villa’s Heskey
• Cahill questions Davies England snub
• Megson – O’Brien needed rest

Have your say on Bolton Wanderers in the comment box below…

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Positives
- “The support from the fans was fantastic and apart from the first and last 10 minutes we dominated the game.”

- “Results went in our favour and that five-point gap to the relegation places is starting to look quite handy,” besides… “It’s possible that we won’t win another game this season but will stay up anyway.”

- “We weren’t out-footballed by a team who supposedly play better football than us” … “they didn’t even manage a single shot on target.”

- “Johan Elmander was our man of the match” … “he put to bed the myth that he doesn’t put in any effort” OR…

Negatives
- “Elmander is useless and worth nowhere near £ 8 million.”

- “If you take away his goal Matty Taylor had an absolute stinker. He should’ve buried that chance at the end.”

- “Sebastien Puygrenier was just as bad as Andy O’Brien. It’s time Danny Shittu got a proper chance.”

- “One point from games against Stoke, Fulham and West Brom is unacceptable.”

- “Once again Megson was afraid to make substitutions… he has to go,” OR … “The only embarrassment to the club are the fans who constantly chant for Megson to be sacked.”

- “With any luck Megson will be banned from the touchline for several games after his sending off.”

Disagree? Have your say in the comments below…

Sources: BBC 606, The Bolton News, Burnden Aces, The Wanderer, Rivals.

Watch West Brom 1-1 Bolton Wanderers video highlights here

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How the national press reported Bolton’s 3-1 home defeat to Fulham

The Guardian‘s match report focuses on Gary Megson berating Andy O’Brien and Gavin McCann for their woeful performances. As ever with Megson, though, there was a little bit of left-over criticism for the fans:

By the sound of it you’d think we had taken over Real Madrid, and there’d never been a poor performance here before.

“Simply awful” was the Daily Mail‘s judgment on Bolton’s defending in a report which rather bizarrely focuses almost entirely on the part Fulham could play in the title race (who cares? Same goes for the Mirror too). Of more interest to Wanderers fans is their verdict that we are “far from safe”.

The Times preferred to praise Fulham for their excellent performance, but the Telegraph were pretty much right when they said that there were no red noses but “plenty of red faces” at the Reebok Stadium.

The Express went for a similar gag as they compared O’Brien to a clown. The Express also points out that the £10 admission price couldn’t tempt more than 180 Fulham fans to make the journey north – hardly surprising given their shocking record on the road prior to Bolton rolling over and letting them tickle our bellies on Saturday.

The Independent says that the only people who deserved – and got – any respect from the Bolton fans were the soldiers who paraded round the pitch before kick-off.

Disagree? Have your say in the comments below…

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The Bolton Wanderers match report you won’t read in the papers (or see on Match of the Day)

Here’s what the various Bolton Wanderers discussion forums made of the 3-1 home defeat to Fulham on Saturday…

Positives
- “It was just a bad day at the office. There are no major problems.”

- “Gary Cahill had a good game considering who he was playing next to, he was Man of the Match” … “and Mark Davies played well too.”

- “We have to be realistic. Our place in the league is still pretty good considering the resources Gary Megson has at it his disposal. Even Brian Clough couldn’t get us above 10th.”

Negatives
- “We were so bad it was almost comical” … “our worst performance for a long, long time” … “we are in an absolute mess right now.”

- “The performances of the two teams dispelled the myth that it’s better to play less games or not be in cup competitions.”

- “Fulham played us off the park.”

- ” Andy O’Brien made Andy Johnson look like Thierry Henry” …”he was absolute garbage again” … “and his sarcastic clap towards the fans was totally out of order too.”

- “Gavin McCann is a Championship player too.”

- “O’Brien is not the only one to blame. Jussi Jaaskelainen doesn’t command his box enough.”

- “The players couldn’t control the ball or find another white shirt. Megson had no Plan B” … “we had nothing but long ball” … “the players deserved all the boos they got because they were completely gutless.”

- “Why didn’t Ebi Smolarek and Chris Basham even make the bench?”

- “Those who were saying relegation was off the cards because of an easy run-in against the likes of Stoke and Fulham will not be sitting so comfortably now” … “our own survival last year shows that anyone could stage a miracle survival run and we could be the victims of that this time.”

- “It’s difficult to be optimistic about playing the likes of West Brom when other poor teams have taken us apart so easily.”

- “We’ll be lucky to stay up and need a massive clear out of players this summer” … “this is the worst Bolton team of the last ten years” … and “that was the worst Bolton performance since we came in to the Premier League in 2001.”

- “And there certainly isn’t a cat in hell’s chance of us making the Uefa Cup.”

- “If there is a God then he will take this negative, inept manager away from us” … “we are going to lose thousands of fans very soon because of Megson” … “especially if he continues to blame the fans when we lose!”

- “What happened to Ladies’ Day?”

Disagree? Have your say in the comments box below…

Watch video highlights of Bolton 1-3 Bolton here

Sources: BBC 606, The Bolton News, Rivals, Bolton Wanderers Mad, The Wanderer, Burnden Aces.

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Here’s what the various Bolton Wanderers discussion forums made of the Whites’ 2-0 defeat at Stoke…

Positives
- “It was a bad performance but their keeper was briliant and we still won’t go down”  … “we only need seven more points for safety.”

- “We passed the ball well and looked like a better side than Stoke on the whole” … “we showed a lot of committment too.”

“Johan Elmander played well and showed some good touches.”

Negatives
- “What does Ricardo Gardner have to do to get a start?” … whilst “Andy O’Brien was again at fault but continues to get in the team.”

- “We’re only six points from the drop zone so relegation is still a possibility.”

- “If Megson had reservations about those three or four players then why did he pick them in the first place.”

- “Megson is a ginger fool who is tactically inept. Big Sam did a better job with fewer resources.”

“Jlloyd Samuel had an absolute stinker at left back. Everything he touched went wrong” … “and Ariza Makukula is like Mario Jardel all over again” … in fact “everyone except Jussi Jaaskelainen and Kevin Davies should hang their heads in shame.”

- “We’re terrible at coming back once we go a goal down.”

- “Bolton fans were arguing and fighting amongst themselves at the game – what the hell is going on?” … “And there was more anti-Megson chanting too” … “the fans that left early did so because of the negativity of the fans, not the performance of the team.”

Disagree? Have your say in the comment box below…

Sources: BBC 606, The Bolton News, Burnden Aces, Bolton Banter, Rivals, Bolton Wanderers Mad.

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The Bolton Wanderers match report you won’t read in the papers (or see on Match of the Day)

Here’s what the various Bolton Wanderers message boards made of the 3-0 hammering at Goodison Park:

- “The gulf in class was embarrassing, especially considering Everton played 120 minutes in mid week.”

- “We got absolutely battered: no passion, no skill, no ideas” … “we are on the edge of the abyss.”

- “Gary Megson went way over the top today playing five at the back. He has to go” … “Gretar Steinsson in midfield, Andy O’Brien at right back? He got it totally wrong” … “we completely surrendered the midfield battle.”

- “Why didn’t we get at them rather than letting them have the ball and dominate the play. It’s too negative” … “Everton are nothing special” … “or have they been added to the list, along with the top four, of teams that we just don’t even bother against?”

- “Perhaps selling Kevin Nolan wasn’t such a great idea after all, he’d have got stuck in more than Mark Davies did today.”

- “Megson’s post-match comments were just complete nonsense.” … “blaming everyone else as usual.”

- “Ariza Makukula is not even fit to play in the Championship” … “He has no first touch and is even worse than Mario Jardel.”

- “Where was Ricardo Gardner?”

- “Alan Gowling on GMR said Bolton’s performance was the worst he could remember by a Premier League side.”

- “If this was a blip then fine, but if we really are as bad as this performance suggests then we could well go down.”

OR

- “The fans should stay off Megson’s back. It’s not a game we could realistically expect to win” … “we’ll probably still finish the season somewhere between 8th and 10th.”

- “Why is it that the fans only come out in force on the message boards when we’ve lost?” … “It’s just one bad performance, everyone needs to calm down.”

- “Let’s forget this game. Looking at our next six games, there’s plenty of points up for grabs over the next few weeks.”

Disagree? Have your say in the comments below…

Watch Everton 3-0 Bolton video highlights here

Sources: BBC 606, The Bolton News, The Wanderer, Rivals, Bolton Banter, Bolton Wanderers Mad, Burnden Aces.

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