John 'Popular in Wolverhampton' McGinlay

No one realistically expected Owen Coyle’s men to maintain the heights reached in November, but the difference in the level of performance is striking.  The team has been toothless up front, disorganised in midfield and shambolic at the back.  Most worrying is the complete evaporation of confidence, given that the man in charge is famed for his powers of motivation. There’s even been a new word coined to describe the situation.  It’s ‘Megsonesque’, appearing in a dictionary near you soon.

Coyle has the chance to freshen things up after acquiring two new players in the transfer window.  Both Gary Cahill and Zat Knight have their qualities, but as a unit they don’t work, so the arrival of David Wheater is welcome.

Up front, Kevin Davies looks old and Johan Elmander is still in a sulk that started when his contract negotiations broke down.  It hasn’t occurred to the Swede that he’s still being rewarded handsomely for his lack of effort.  Given that, Daniel Sturridge, on loan from Chelsea ought to start.

Johan 'I Can't be Arsed Anymore' Elmander

But it’s in midfield where the main problems lie.  Matt Taylor doesn’t work on the right, Martin Petrov doesn’t work at all, Stuart Holden has suffered injuries and Fabrice Muamba relapsed to his gormless worst.  The only player to emerge from that area with credit of late is Mark Davies.

Wolves are on odd side, inconsistent and physical to the point of being psychotic.  But there’s a better reason to dislike them:  They’re Wolves.

There’s never been much love lost between supporters of the two clubs, but things intensified in the 1990s, as Bolton won promotion to the Premier League at the expense of the Dingles, as they’re known to fans of near neighbours West Brom.  Hopefully John McGinlay will be wheeled out at some point in tonight’s proceedings and club mascot Lofty the Lion will have a target pinned to his chest so that the visiting scrubbers can throw pies at him again.  Ain’t nostalgia great?

The Wanderers (the real ones) have slipped into the bottom half of the table and need three points from this game.  An early goal will help as will forward play that involves more than sending the ball down the channels and then hoofing it into the penalty area to no one in particular.

Bolton aren’t as good as they appeared to be late last year, but they aren’t as bad as they seem now.  They should certainly have enough to see off Mick McCarthy’s side.  With difficult games to come, a failure to do that could have heavy consequences.  It’s time for Owen Coyle to earn his money.

- Richard McCormick

‘Gary kept them in the league quite comfortably for two years, but when he took over they were in trouble,’ Pulis told the organ of truth and enlightenment that is the Daily Star.

Give Gaz a chance. Tony Pulis tells it like it isn't

Gary kept Bolton up so comfortably in the first season that they were four points adrift of safety with five games to go after taking one league point in the previous two months. Only a late season sequence of good results prevented relegation.  Not quite so comfy then, Tony.

‘The problem was Gary did not have the relationship with the fans that Owen has got,’ continued the man doffing the unwise baseball cap.

The problem was Gary did not have the relationship with the players that Owen has got.  Ask Ivan Campo.

‘The players were not with him. They didn’t trust him and the style of football he played was far too simple,’ said the Spaniard after Megson had been given the boot.

Or Johan Elmander.

‘It doesn’t help to stare and scream at me. I got tired the more of it I heard.’ commented Elmander of his former boss.  ‘Owen Coyle is a great coach, who I really enjoy working with.’

The Daily Star is best known for having tits on page three.  The trait appears to have spread to the sports section.

- Richard McCormick

(incidentally, when fans discuss the golden era of Bolton Wanderers, for me our second greatest period – after the 1920′s – is 30 Dec 2009 to 8 Jan 2010)

I’ll start by saying I’m a huge fan of Owen Coyle. In my opinion, this is the best managerial appointment we have ever made. Whether we go on to have the success to justify that statement remains to be seen and depends on a whole range of factors, but for me there has never previously been an available candidate more perfect for the job. I’ve stated my reasons for this in great depth many times in the past on the old official board and others, so I won’t go over old ground.

we're all a happy bunch here...

All that said, my take on the first year under OC is that if anything the “Coyle revolution” has gone slightly slower than I expected / would have liked.

To evaluate the changes, it seems reasonable to summarise based on some key areas: our league position, the style of football, spirit / morale within the club, and mood / enthusiasm of the supporters.

League position:
A massive “pass” for OC thus far. Taking over in the bottom three and guiding us comfortably to safety last season was a solid start, but it’s our lofty heights this season that really catches the eye. It’s pretty safe to say that we would be nowhere near 6th at this stage of the season under the previous manager. I’d also say it would be unlikely that we would be anywhere near this position now if BSA had never left (or worse – returned).

However, we shouldn’t get too carried away yet. We have put ourselves in an excellent position to give us a chance of a top 8 finish, but there’s a long way to go yet. Other teams have games in hand, and our position could look a bit different after the next couple of games.

We’ve also benefited from a season where some of the fancied sides have started poorly. Nobody would have predicted at the start of the season that Liverpool, Everton AND Villa would all be outside the top 8 at this stage of the season.

What our position does give us is the confidence that we can beat anyone on our day. We have thus far bounced back from our defeats and have yet to face a losing run, so while there is obviously the risk that we may drop down the table in the second half, our position at this point is outstanding.

Style of football:
I suspect I’m in the minority in that I saw changes (or thought I did …) in our style more or less straight away, albeit they were not major and were more indications of our attempt to play better football than any great transformation.

However, thus far I think this is the area where OC has had the least success, although admittedly this may be judging things against my optimistic expectations.
Undoubtedly, things have progressed signifcantly since the dark, ginger days. We are undoubtedly trying to play positive attractive football. When it comes together, we look great. When it doesn’t – and it often hasn’t – we don’t look massively different from the Megson era.

What is different – and massively – is that even when we don’t look great, we know that we are trying to play positive football. Under Megson, it was patently obvious to everyone that things, style-wise, were never going to get any better. On the odd occasion the ginger one hinted we might develop our style over time – usually around the time we were trying to flog season tickets – he very quickly went on to deny it.
We are clearly a much better side on MOTD, hence we are the new media darlings, but the hype over our transformation has been hugely exaggerated.

The reason that we haven’t made the level of progress style-wise that I expected (and I believe Coyle wanted) is simple: we haven’t been able to change the personnel much. Because most of the squad were under contract and we haven’t been able to sell many, Coyle has only been able to bring in two significant signings (Allonso is “one for the future”, to quote BSA). Holden has been inspirational, and sums up the type of player Coyle wants – a “proper” footballer, always comfortable in possession. Petrov has yet to set the world on fire, but on paper was a great signing, and demonstrates Coyle’s passion for exciting wingers.

Match attack superstar...

Other than that, he’s been stuck with mostly Megson’s signings. There are clearly different opinions on the quality of the ginger ones transfer activity. For (further) clarification (Don), with one or two exceptions, I believe he wasted £40m+ on largely mediocre players, but even if you think Megson bought well, I suspect you’d probably accept that they were bought to play Megson football. By and large – LCY and Mavies excepted – they are not comfortable on the ball.

Whilst Coyle has worked wonders with the squad he has, and we have seen clear and demonstrable progress in areas such as possession and pass completion, we still struggle at times to keep hold of the ball and control games. Incidentally, our average possession per game has gone from sub-40% under Megson to 50% plus under Coyle. Admittedly, I’m guessing about the 50% plus, but it’s a fairly confident guess that I’ll confirm at some point when I can be bothered.

My overall verdict on style of football: another “pass” (pardon the pun), but by nowhere near as much as the media and others would have you believe (although as Coyle himself says, we are very much a work in progress).

Spirit / morale within the club:
I tend to be a bit sceptical of the propaganda that comes out of football clubs. Interviews these days are carefully managed by the press office, so the odd snippet claiming everyone is happy and the manager is a nice bloke prove nowt.
At a push, the volume of positive “news” could be used as an indication, or you could claim to interpret the “tone” of the stuff that comes out (“he said he liked Megson, but you can tell that he really likes Coyle), but in reality it’s all fluff.

So how do we judge the improved morale and spirit within the club?

Ok, the volume and consistency of the “good news” since OC came in does seem relatively convincing, and the less processed stuff, e.g. remarks in live interviews, twitter etc, all support the party line that Coyle is an inspirational / positive / infectious manager.

It’s also been commented on elsewhere that everyone around the club, ticket office, club shop, etc etc, seem much brighter than they did a year or so ago, i.e. everything “feels” better, much like it did in Rioch’s tenure.

But the proof in the pudding is what we actually see on the pitch.

The players have demonstrated a spirit that was invisible under the ginger one.
Maybe this can be attributed to Coyle’s acclaimed man-management versus Megson’s petulent shout/bully/sulk approach. At least now we can believe that if a player’s out of the team it’s because the manager thinks someone else will do a better job, rather than because the manager’s fell out with him.

Under Megson, if we went behind we gave up the ghost. Under Coyle, we’ve come back from two down against Blackpool and – with ten men – Birmingham.
Under Megson, we couldn’t hold on to a two goal lead. Under Coyle this season, we’ve gone on to score a third goal on four occasions and – despite scares against Spurs and Wolves – have gone on to win when we take a two goal lead.
We’ve seen it consistently throughout the season so far. I’m sure everyone can pick their own examples, but I’d also point to beating Blackburn with ten men, or the disappointment etched all over the faces of the players when we’ve only managed draws away at Villa and Everton and at home to Man Utd.

This, again is a massive “pass” for OC.

Mood / enthusiasm of the supporters:
Is it fair to judge a manager’s performance on the mood of the fans? Probably not, in all fairness. It’s been commented elsewhere that we have some bloody miserable fans at the best of times, and you don’t have to do too much research to realise that there are plenty who couldn’t manage an independent thought, let alone a football club.

However, whilst I’d accept that we’re probably not the best qualified to judge a manager’s performance, at the end of the day it’s OUR CLUB in a way that, sadly, it is rarely if ever the manager’s club.

It also matters because a disgruntled fan-base rarely goes hand in hand with success on the pitch.

It’s pretty obvious that the mood has improved massively over the last year. A surprisingly healthy league position has had a massive impact, but it was also the easiest area for Coyle to succeed in.

In a nutshell, Megson alienated the vast majority of the fans over his time in charge. By the end, he was roundly disliked (“hated” by many).

Owen Coyle is everything that Megson isn’t. It’s pretty much as simple as that.

Where Megson was ultra-negative, Coyle is positive. Where Megson was surly, Coyle is charming. Where Megson had a pop at the supporters, Coyle praises and thanks us. The list is pretty much endless.

It’s worth noting that Coyle wasn’t universally worshipped from day one. There have still been plenty – let’s call them miserable wankers, for want of something better – who couldn’t help spouting off that the football wasn’t much better, the crowds weren’t coming back, we had the same number of points under Megson etc etc etc.

Let’s also not kid ourselves that they’ve all been won round. They’re simply keeping quiet until they think of something else to moan about. But whilst they tend to be vocal on internet forums, and there are always a few to be heard in the ground, the miserable wankers really don’t count. They will never ever be happy, so fcuk ‘em.

The mood of “the fans” generally is – quite obviously – another massive pass for OC.

Summary …
OC’s had a huge impact on the spirit within the club and the mood of the fans. Our current league position is exceptional against anybody’s pre-season expectations. The league position obviously helps with the feel-good factor. Massive success in these areas.

Performance and style-wise, for me it’s been more a mixed bag. Fantastic at times, but I think there is much, much better to come, particularly once OC has chance to change the personnel at the club.

So here’s to 2011 and another year of progress under OC.

Happy New Year everyone.

Guest Bogger -Wakey-

The FA were unable to act after referee Chris Foy claimed that the incident had been seen by match officials.  Yeah, right.

In truth, it’s difficult to get agitated about Huddlestone did.    For one thing, Bolton won – and in some style. Secondly, it wasn’t a full blown assault, more a petulant toe poke, for which the appropriate sanction is a clip around the ear and an admonishment to stop being such a girl, rather than a three match ban for violent conduct.  However, the fact that this is not an isolated happening does grate a little.

After being reduced to a gibbering wreck by Eduardo’s horrible leg break at Birmingham, you’d think that William Gallas would be mindful of the health of his fellow professionals.   How wrong that assumption would be.

In last season’s game against between Arsenal and Bolton at the Emirates, Gallas went in over the top on Mark Davies which led to the young midfielder being stretchered off with damaged ankle ligaments.  A red card?  Nope.  A yellow then?  Negative.  Retropective punishment?  Not on your nelly.  Alan Wiley, the man with the inappropriate surname, said he’d seen the challenge so no action was taken.

Sissoko explains how he can get away with anything

Going back a while, to a New Year fixture at the Reebok against Liverpool, there was not one, but two stamping incidents.  Firstly, Steven Gerrard did a little tap dance on the already prostrate Kevin Nolan.   It was difficult from the video footage alone, to establish if there was malicious intent, and as Nolan himself made light of the event, it’s best to move on.

The same couldn’t be said for Mohamed Sissoko’s ten metre dash to stick the boot into a horizontal El Hadji Diouf.  Given the seamier side of Diouf’s nature, some might say he’s due a good shoeing.  Perhaps, Mark Clattenburg, the man in the middle that day, was working to a set of rules in which that sentiment had been enshrined.  There can be no other explanation for the entry in his match report which said that no action was deemed necessary.

A few months earlier at Stamford Bridge, it wasn’t a stamp, but a reckless kick to the area below Tal Ben Haim’s knee that earned Michael Essien a booking, rather than the sending off it deserved.  But that’s what you get when Rob ‘Big Club’ Styles is carrying the cards.

The intention here is not to claim that Bolton are being singled out for neglectful treatment.  It’s the inconsistency and the bias toward the big clubs that is the problem.

Clattenburg was the referee at Manchester City when Emmanuel Adebayor attempted to stamp on Arsenal’s Robin Van Persie.  A ban resulted this time, as the act had not been seen.  Which was odd, as it happened three feet in front of the man with the whistle.

At Arsenal in September, Gary Cahill got his marching orders for the mildest of infringements.  Even Arsene Wenger thought the decision unfair.  When old wrinkle bonce sides with the opposition you know there’s a problem.

'Get up you cissy. Stevie hardly touched you'

Stuart Atwell officiated that day, which may provide an explanation.  He was also in charge at Liverpool in March when he allowed Steven Gerrard to escape without censure after his forearm smash on Michael Brown of Portsmouth. The list goes on.

Without inside knowledge it’s hard to know where the problem lies.  Are the FA too harsh on officials who admit they’ve made mistakes?  Are those tasked with controlling Premier League matches completely starstruck?   Or are they just a bunch of lying bastards?

Until the answer is found, players of the less fashionable clubs will hope that their more illustrious counterparts don’t start carrying weapons onto pitch.  In the current climate they’d get away with using them.

- Richard McCormick

Should Stoke have had a penalty? Was the sending off of Ivan Klasnic harsh?

Should the Neanderthal Stoke fans who terrorised women and children be inhumanly euthanized? Should they be joined by the Bolton chavs who mouthed off and then ran off leaving others to deal with the consequences of their actions?

Some things can be agreed on though.  Kevin Davies, Johan Elmander and Gary Cahill play for Bolton, while Jermaine Pennant, Ryan Shawcross and Kenwyne Jones are in the employ of Stoke City.

Not according to the News of the World.

The quotes in italics are produced word for word from Adrian Milledge’s deliciously confused match report.

Rupert Murdoch. Worth billions. Employs numpties.

‘The 33-year old, set up by Pennant’s outswinging corner, should have doubled Bolton’s lead in first-half stoppage time but headed wide.’

That 33-year old was Kevin Davies, who was presumably trying to score from inside his own penalty area.  Neat if you can manage it.

‘Cahill completely snuffed out any threat from Davies and his strike partner, the in-form Johan Elmander.’

No wonder Davo had a lean day.  Johan too.

‘And with Shawcross keeping a firm hand on striker Kenwyne Jones, the goal came from a winger.’

This marking players from your own side lark seems to be catching on.

Ready for the best bit?  Here you go.

‘…aside from Delap’s long throws and some teasing corners sent in by Matthew Etherington and Jermaine Pennant, Stoke played the ball on the floor.’

Maybe Mr Milledge watched the game whilst upside down.  That would account for his mental disintegration.

A proud moment for Super-kev

It’s not just fans of other clubs who seem keen to claim certain questionable players as ‘legends’. El Hadji Diouf has achieved legendary status to some Bolton fans, despite the fact that his consistency could often be called in to question and, regardless of his ‘love’ for the club, he felt the overwhelming urge just prior to our biggest match of the season at home to Sunderland to announce to the national press that, irrespective of the result of said match, he would be leaving Bolton for a big club on the continent. Now, I’ve visited Sunderland in the past and, while it does seem like another country, and sometimes another world, it sure as hell isn’t in Spain!

So what does constitute a legend? Well, in my humble opinion, in order for the word legend to have the impact it deserves, it has to be limited to certain players who have had a profound impact on the club. We have had some world class players grace the famous white shirt of Bolton Wanderers, particularly over the last ten years: Jay Jay Okocha – so good they named him twice; Youri Djorkaeff – World Cup winner in 1998 and European Championship winner in 2000; Ivan Campo – two time Champions League winner; Fernando Hierro – three time Champions League winner and five time winner of La Liga; Eidur Gudjohnsen – two Premier League titles with Chelsea and a La Liga title and Champions League winner with Barcelona; Stelios Giannakopoulos – European Championship winner with Greece in 2004; Nicolas Anelka – Premier League, FA and Champions League winner with Arsenal and Real Madrid respectively prior to his time with us, not to mention adding further Premier League and FA Cup success with Chelsea following his time at The Reebok. In total; ten domestic league titles, seven Champions Leagues, two European Championships, two FA Cups, one UEFA Cup, one UEFA Cup Winners’ Cup, one UEFA Super Cup, one World Cup and an Olympic Gold Medal. Not to mention, the small number of 457 International caps. In short, these guys have won it all.

However, despite being hugely talented players and for all their numerous winners’ medals, only Ivan Campo has a legitimate claim of being a Bolton legend in my eyes. Legendary status is not about ability alone; it is about passion for the shirt, the club and the fans; always giving 100% effort and commitment in every game, no matter what your ability; staying at the club for a prolonged period of time and having created some amazing memories for the fans to treasure forever.

While I’m sure United fans will remember Hernandez’s winner for a few weeks, especially if it sparks a decent run in the competition, I doubt it will remain a talking point for generations nor will it last long in the memory unlike, say, a late equaliser in the Alianz Arena to claim an unforgettable 2-2 draw against a true powerhouse of European football, Bayern Munich.

The player who scored that goal is not a Champions League winner; he’s not an FA Cup winner either, having his one chance of a final appearance cruelly taken away from him in the eleventh hour whilst playing for Southampton in 2003. At the time of writing, he doesn’t have any international caps to speak of, although that will hopefully change in a week. However, despite the lack of international recognition or domestic honours, there is one player, one man who epitomises what being a legend is all about. That man is Kevin Davies.

Just can't put my finger on it....!

Two weeks prior to Diouf’s shameful self promotion, we had an arguably more important home game against West Ham. Four points adrift from safety and with time running out, it was imperative that we win. Failure to do so would almost certainly see us relegated, and didn’t the cockneys know it. In a match when we needed the players to stand up and be counted, one player stood taller than most. Even after putting Bolton into a second half lead, crashing the ball into the roof of the net after Green (who else) had made of mess of dealing with a Bolton corner, Davies continued to provide an all action display which eventually resulted in a severely dislocated finger. That would have meant the end of the action for most players, but not Kevin Davies. After getting it popped back into place, he returned to field in a relative act of strength and determination that would have made the Lion of Vienna proud. Bolton went on to record a five match unbeaten run which included further wins against Middlesbrough and Sunderland and our Premiership survival was secured.

For those of us who have watched Kevin Davies since he first arrived at Bolton in 2003, his call up, whilst welcome, is long overdue. Even Davies himself had given up the dream of international football, assuming that his three U21 caps would be the pinnacle of his international career, and even believed that the call telling him the news was some sort of wind up. But a wind up it most certainly wasn’t. Capello, in what was an admittedly unexpected move, had indeed called up Kevin Davies to the England squad to face Montenegro on October 12th. Davies is part of an unwanted pub quiz trivia question regarding his lack of an international call up. Which eight players have cost more than £7m in a single transfer but have never represented their country at senior level? No doubt Davies will be hoping to amend that question to read ‘which seven players’ come Tuesday evening.

His call up has naturally attracted criticism in some quarters: he’s too old seems to be the primary concern and, had it not been Davies who had been called up, it’s one which I would tend to agree with. That said, when you look round for the youthful alternatives, Andy Carroll seems to be the only option, and he has all of 20 Premiership appearances to his name. However, they always say, if you’re old enough, you’re good enough, but Carroll also falls down on those criteria too. The other concern (apart from the obvious that, as he plays for Bolton, he is clearly not good enough for international football) is that due to his all action, competitive style of play, he’ll instantly be dismissed for serious foul play due to the continental style officials. They must have forgotten that Kevin Davies managed to amass thirteen UEFA Cup appearances for Bolton Wanderers and, despite being refereed by the same officials who will oversee the England matches, he was never dismissed and managed to play for the full 90 minutes in each match.

True, Davies may not have the skill of Messi and, to be fair to Kev, the same can be said for a lot of players, but, for fear of trotting out the clichés, he does have a good touch for a big man; the goal against West Brom being a prime example. He also has an element of craft and guile to his game which often goes overlooked. His outside of the right foot pass to Lee in the build up to Elmander’s goal against West Ham being yet another example of his skill with the ball at his feet and, had it been created by a player known for their passing ability e.g. Scholes or Fabregas, we would have no doubt seen it replayed for months.

He also has the attributes which were missing from the England team this summer; heart, passion, desire and pride in the shirt. If he gets even two minutes at the end of the match to wear the Three Lions of England, it’ll mean so much more to Kevin Davies than to the many players who come through the youth teams ranks nowadays who believe that they have made the grade simply because they have a Rolex watch and a Aston Martin at the age of 18. They can learn a lot from Kevin Davies. Had the England team shown the same passion, desire and will to win which Davies demonstrated two years ago against West Ham, there is a good chance that our World Cup dreams may not have ended with the same pathetic performances in the group stages before being torn apart by a far superior and efficient German team in the last 16. Rooney may be one of the best players in the world, but you couldn’t tell that this summer in South Africa yet regardless of form, opposition or circumstances, Kevin Davies always puts in a shift; Kevin Davies always puts in a performance. The same cannot be said for some of his new team mates.

Davies should feel immense pride in his call up, regardless of whether he gets any time on the pitch. We all do. It is the pinnacle of any player’s career to represent their country, or at least it should be. Davies is no exception. He has done incredibly well for Bolton and it is fantastic for himself and the club that he has (finally) got the recognition he deserves. It would be incredible for the fairytale call up to have a happy ending and Davies to get the cap he deserves but whatever happens Kev, you’ve done us all proud!

Super Kevin Davies – England International (hopefully); Bolton Legend (definitely)

Dave Hallsworth

Player, shirt, grin, with zimmer frame cunningly concealed

Robbie Blake had done nothing, apart from look old, after he replaced Johan Elmander, but his free kick that gave the Whites a share of the points was a peach.  Ben Foster in the Birmingham goal couldn’t have been further from the ball if he’d been outside the stadium.

Five minutes into the second half things had looked grim for the home side, after Craig Gardner put Birmingham two up.  By this stage, they were down to ten men, Jussi Jaaskelainen having been sent off for bitch slapping Roger Johnson.  The incident will be a prime candidate for inclusion in a future instalment of Football’s Most Embarrassing Moments. That left Adam Bodan, wearing a shirt almost the exact colour of his hair to make a league debut under the most difficult of circumstances.

Johnson appeared to be at the centre of everything.  Early on he put the visitors ahead from a James McFadden cross, but was at fault when bundling Kevin Davies to the floor with twenty minutes remaining.  Davies coolly slotted the resulting penalty home.

Bolton huffed and puffed to little effect, a Johan Elmander effort being the closest thing to a chance, but they were rescued as referee Kevin Friend lived up to his name.  A clash between Gary Cahill and Barry Ferguson appeared to be six of one and half-a-dozen of the other, but a free kick was given to the home side just outside the penalty area, and Blake curled it brilliantly over the wall to give his new side a share of the spoils.

Expecting Owen Coyle to immediately transform Bolton’s dysfunctional game into something more dynamic would be foolish. He is after all, working mainly with the squad that his predecessor assembled in order to play dull football.  But more evidence that he’s moving in the right direction is required.

The centre back pairing coped easily with Bobby Zamora, but the defence as a whole is still too easy to get behind, particularly on the side that should be occupied by Gretar Steinsson.  Up front, the Whites were toothless, incapable of putting the opposition under sustained pressure.

The most damning criticism of Gary Megson, is that his players looked as if they were strangers to each other.  After a pre-season with Coyle and a whole host of friendly games, little progress has been made in that department.  Can we have some movement please?

A scoreless draw, against a side notoriously poor on their travels is not a satisfactory result (Fulham won one game and lost eleven away last season.)  Especially with a difficult September to come in which the points tally is likely to be zero.

Worse was to come for those Wanderers fans who tuned into Five Live on the way home where the BBC demonstrated their continuing contempt for Bolton by giving the match summariser’s gig to Stuart Hall.

Hall is many things, an irritating wanker being one of them, but he’s no football reporter.  The use of language is bad enough.  It reminds you of On Again, On Again, the song that Jake Thackray wrote about his wife.

‘…she is one of those women who
Will never use three or four words when a couple of thousand will easily do’

Belt Up Stuart. Forever.

But it’s Hall’s dodgy recall, that’s the killer.  He made snide remarks about Johan Elmander – at his brightest for some time,  but lavished praise on Kevin Davies, Martin Petrov and Lee-Chung Yong who were little better than passengers.

Davies was disinterested and wasteful in possession and Petrov had no end product, while Bolton’s favourite Korean import was so anonymous he could have been rechristened Lee Chung-Who?

Hall has his own personal clock museum.  It would be the ideal place to stash him once he’s been processed by the taxidermist, for he is the epitome of a man whose time has passed.

Katie and Peter: More annoying than Gary Megson. Pic from shimelle, some rights reserved

How Gary Megson could become more popular than Adolf Hitler

Ridiculous analogies are the latest weapon of choice for the army of Pro-Megsonites (mainly non-Wanderers), who have taken it upon themselves to criticise Bolton fans for daring to have an opinion about the manager whose wages they pay.

SquareFootball (a good site that Manny Road enjoys a good relationship with, but isn’t afraid to criticise when they get it totally wrong), suggested recently that Bolton fans wouldn’t get behind Gary Megson even if he guided us to the Champions League.

The article goes on to say:

I’m pretty sure that if Hitler was brought back from the dead and stood in the middle of the pitch at the Reebok Stadium that he would get a better reception than Megson.

Now, whilst Megson isn’t on most people’s Christmas card lists, I’m pretty sure Hitler might get a boo or two as well if he was paraded on the pitch at half-time. In fact, if I wanted to get all over-the-top and tabloid about it, I might point out that suggesting Hitler would get a good reception is pretty offensive to any Boltonian whose relatives died in the Second World War, but this isn’t the Daily Mail, and I’m sure it wasn’t meant like that. Besides, Manny Road has been having a little fun with Hitler recently too (thanks to @Shoot_Immortals on Twitter for educating me about Godwin’s Law in relation to the use of Hitler in analogies).

What I’m absolutely convinced about, is that if Gary Megson got us in to the Champions League, not only would Bolton fans stop booing him, we would all chip in and get them to put up a statue of him in the Town Hall Square. Hell, I’d probably build my own personal shrine to the Ginger God.

But Gary Megson isn’t going to get us in the Champions League, and to make this analogy implies that he has done something that is in some way comparable to getting us in the Champions League. He hasn’t. He’s done an OK job, that’s it. How can anyone predict what Bolton fans will do when Megson does something remarkable when he’s never done anything remarkable?

So, just for the record, here are 10 other things that Gary Megson is never going to achieve, but if he did, I for one would back him all the way…

1. Discover a cure for cancer

2. Find Madeleine McCann (and maybe sign her up to replace Gavin)

3. Bring peace to the Middle East

4. Make it cool to be ginger

5. Get Katie and Peter to shut the fuck up

6. Find an alternative to David Cameron as our next Prime Minister

7. Get Johan Elmander to score 30 goals a season

8. Find Osama Bin Laden (and sign him up too, we could use someone with a bit of tactical nous)

9. Make bwfc.co.uk an interesting read

10. Get Gary Lineker to stop patronising the crap out of us every Saturday night on Match of the Day

Failing all that, three points against Spurs today would be a good place to start.

Who’s with me? And what other things could Megson do to win you over?

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All the goals from the Wanderers 3-1 Carling Cup win over West Ham (minus the last goal for some reason)…

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