8 things you (probably don’t) need to know about Bolton v Newcastle

Saturday February 28th, 2009

Michael Owen) (English footballer) at a traini...

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Your guide to all the Bolton v Newcastle previews and Mystic Meggery

Reasons to be cheerful…
1. Kevin Nolan will miss the game for his new club after he tried to maim Victor Anichebe last week. Joey Barton and Danny Guthrie will also be keeping their studs clean.

2. Newcastle fans may not be able to find the Reebok Stadium because of some typically piss poor transport planning. Unless, of course, Nolan has told them all his secrets.

3. Gary Megson wants to pick the same team that beat West Ham which, presuming they do what they did in the first ten minutes and not the remaining 80, should be a good thing.

4. As far as  I can tell, there’s no sign of Michael Owen doing much to earn his £110k a week this weekend. Some bloke called Andy Carroll might play though.

5. Without wishing to put too finer point on it, Newcastle are a mess. The following words give you a flavour of the problems: Keegan, Wise, Ashley, for sale, no takers, Joe Kinnear, heart bypass surgery. Oh, and did we mention that Kevin Nolan doesn’t score goals any more before we took 4.5 million of your English pounds for him?

Reasons to be fearful…
6. Gary Megson isn’t worried about setting Bolton a points total because “mathematics has no place in football.” Except of course when they’re deciding which team has scored more goals, and which place everyone should be in in the table… so nothing particularly important.

7. In fact Megson, in typically contradictory fashion, has also been telling the Manchester Evening News this week that 40 points is the magic number. Make your mind up!

Statements of the bleedin’ obvious
8. Here’s a whole load of really boring statistics which tell you absolutely nothing about what will happen in the game. I only bring this to your attention because people who write Wdrs instead of Wanderers really piss me off. It’s lazy and it’s inaccurate… or shld tht b inaccur8?

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