Steve Evans: The Preparations Begin

burndenpieshopBolton Wanderers will appoint a new manager on Monday 6th June, according to sources at the club. The more observant of you will have noticed that it’s almost the end of Monday 6th June and the not so Superwhites remain severely managerless.

Effort have been made according to co-owner Ken “IOU £2.5 million” Anderson. “We have looked at a very high standard of manager,” he told the Bolton News on 26th May, making light of the fact that they’d all said no, whilst muffling giggles. It’s a bit like asking Jennifer Lawrence for a date and then boasting when she blows you out.

To be fair, it must be a hard sell. “Would you like to manage our football club? We don’t have any money and even if we did we’re not allowed to buy players. And yes, your office is nice, but don’t get too settled, in case we have to sell it to pay the electricity bill.”

Speculation linking Ryan Giggs turned out be groundless, as did that involving Bradford manager Phil Parkinson. Gareth Southgate, who did a magnificent job of relegating Middlesbrough turned down the “opportunity”, as did Gary Monk, who chose to join Leeds where he’ll be sacked very quickly, just like everyone else who has worked for owner Massimo Cellino.

Cellino’s previous victim was Steve Evans who is expected to mount a charm offensive in a quest for his next job. This may not be straightforward. Evans can do offensive, but struggles with the charm bit.

A little known fact: The former Rotherham boss was on the books at Bolton back in his youth, but had a problem maintaining match fitness, due mainly to the pie shop opposite Burnden Park. Shipping supplies to the portly Scot has aroused much interest locally.

One Bolton business man hears news of the potential appointment.

One Bolton business man hears news of the potential appointment.

Greenhalgh's have pitched in. “This would be Steve's mid morning snack,” says director Peter Haslam.

Greenhalgh’s have pitched in. “This would be Steve’s mid morning snack,” says director Peter Haslam.

The town's oldest pie shop rules itself out of the race. “We're all very old and can't possibly maintain that level of production,” wheezed the owner.

The town’s oldest pie shop rules itself out of the race. “We’re all very old and can’t possibly maintain that level of production,” wheezed the owner.

However, Holland’s have pulled out all the stops.

New staff have been recruited

New staff have been recruited

The transportation issue has been resolved. Steve's lunch is on it's way.

The transportation issue has been resolved. Steve’s lunch is on it’s way.

Hollands vans in 2006 from June

And vans are on standby in he case he gets peckish in the afternoon.

It's not all been easy though. One training exercise went horribly wrong.

It’s not all been easy though. One training exercise went horribly wrong.

A decision will be made in due course. Bolton will still be without a manager.

And of course, no mention of the subject would be complete without the footage below. “Steve, the half time pies have arrived…” (credit to whoever originated that gag.)


– Richard McCormick



 

 

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